today’s Q: what resolution didn’t stick?
today’s A: n/a. not applicable because i stopped making resolutions long ago, and in doing so, i surrendered. i handed off control of my to others. here, i said, you, whoever you are, you be my rudder. you decide where i go, what i do, who i do it with. you decide my fate, my future, my now. i’ll just float along aimlessly and see what happens.
i quit with the resolutions because i felt inadequate and eroded when i didn’t stick to and complete them. i quit with the resolutions because i felt like i didn’t take up enough space in the world to be worthy of resolutions. i quit with the resolutions because i just didn’t think it was worth it. i didn’t think i was worth it.
but oh my goodness how much can change in a month’s time.
i still won’t make resolutions – but i will make something akin to plans. (not tonight, though, cause i’m watching mama mia.) (and i’ve had maybe a wee bit too much wine.) (but not enough to affect my spelling skills, just my planning skills.) (and don’t worry. i’m not leaving the house.) tomorrow, though. yes, tomorrow i will create a collage for 2010. tomorrow i become the architect of my own life.
and it may or may not involve words.
i am holding my heart with both hands as i say thank you to gwen bell for putting this challenge together, and thank you to members of my new twitter tribe. i have, through this challenge and on twitter, found my right people – my tribe – and my life will never, ever be the same.
blogliography for this post:
lisa sonora beam
and my family: andy, alison, and kipp.
and other members of my twitter tribe who don’t have blogs.
the stories are mine, but credit for the kindling goes to gwen bell and her best of 2009 blog challenge. today’s post answers the question “what resolution did you not keep in 2009?”