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contagion

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last week, three people i hold dear (though i’ve only know them for a scant few weeks) wrote posts that opened doors in my heart that have been long closed. their conviction and courage, their honesty, their willingness to outright own vulnerability because silence is no longer an option is nothing short of inspiring. these women have enkindled conversations that are long overdue, conversations i hope will continue and spread and take on a life of their own – a full, rich life that will change the world.

though this poem was written by a man who wrote of political and social upheavals, it is the one that has kept me company the past several days, and it is the one that i am sending – in spite of the near-oppressive notion that i’ll get red ink comments from my english teachers noting my usual erroneous interpretation – as a salute to my three guests of honor, women i am proud to call friend . . .

bonnie of windshieldthinking.com

emily of pleasurenotes.com

julie of unabashedlyfemale.com

p.s. yes, i changed the two masculine pronouns to feminine, so sharpen your red pencils and deduct points at will.

Emerging

A woman says yes without knowing
how to decide even what the question is,
and is caught up, and then is carried along
and never again escapes from her own cocoon;
and that’s how we are, forever falling
into the deep well of other beings;
and one thread wraps itself around our necks,
another entwines a foot, and then it is impossible,
impossible to move except in the well –
nobody can rescue us from other people.

It seems as if we don’t know how to speak;
it seems as if there are words which escape,
which are missing, which have gone away and left us
to ourselves, tangled up in snares and threads.

And all at once, that’s it; we no longer know
what it’s all about, but we are deep inside it,
and now we will never see with the same eyes
as once we did when we were children playing.
Now these eyes are closed to us,
Now our hands emerge from different arms.

And therefore when you sleep, you are alone in your dreaming,
and running freely through the corridors
of one dream only, which belongs to you.
Oh never let them come to steal our dreams,
never let them entwine us in our bed.
Let us hold on to the shadows
to see if, from our own obscurity,
we emerge and grope along the walls,
lie in wait for the light, to capture it,
till, once and for all time,
it becomes our own, the sun of every day.

© Pablo Neruda

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snow

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it snowed here last night.

just a dusting, really.

not enough for even one bowl of snow ice cream

but enough to cause the roads to be icy

and treacherous.

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we spent most of the morning

with our noses to the window

taking in the beauty of the freshly-articulated trees

wondering if we can make it up and down the hills

on our daily walk.

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i love the quiet stillness

the snow brings

and the blue air.

there are those who will explain

the hue and stillness

with great authority

using numbers and

formulas

and studies.

but they’re only theories, really.

educated guesses, really, that make some feel better about the world and themselves

but

sometimes we don’t need to know why

we just need to enjoy and revel in

what is

while it is.

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burn

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i hate sunday nights. i love sunday nights.

sunday nights are a transition time for me. the end of the pause. the threshold of beginning.

i am ready for my husband to go back to work. i want him to call in sick tomorrow.

i want to watch another movie. i am ready to get up and move.

i do not want go to back to a life of to do lists. i long for the structure of plans and productivity.

i am a different person. i am the same person trying to be different.

i want to spill things onto the page. i don’t have a damn thing to say.

i love the way i’m beginning to drop down into some philosophical, reflective writing (except for yesterday – that piece was pretty blah). i am tired of being serious, longing to cut loose and romp.

i want to change my update on facebook. i want to drop facebook altogether.

i want to finish my collage. i want to rip up the ripped out bits and flush them.

i want to sing and dance. i want to go to bed and sleep in the fetal position.

i want to twitter. i want to tuck in.

i want to get something done tonight so i’ll be ahead of the game tomorrow. i don’t even want to think about doing anything tonight.

i want to find a book on the writing of lost. if i never see another book, it’ll be too soon.

etc.

etc.

etc.

~~~

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leap

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today i leapt.

and i leapt with deliberation and thoughtfulness.

in the fiber arts community there’s a movement called slow cloth – just the name calms me. to live a life of calmness and space and rapt attention, that has been my dream, and today i am closer to that desired lifestyle . . .

gwen bell has developed a year’s worth of brief daily prompts intended to help cultivate a mindfulness lifestyle, and i am onboard. i am so onboard. today’s prompt: “Take time today to update your passwords. Make them bells of mindfulness, action-oriented words,” and so today finds me updating my passwords with verbs (and making sure everything is saved in 1password, the handiest software for mac users. it’s like having my own vault on the computer and on the iphone).

i also leapt into shuttersisters today. signed myself right up, committing to take and post a photo every day this year. i’m setting up a tumblr blog for the shuttersisters photos – i’ll let you know when it’s up and running, though i hasten to add that i am just a woman who enjoys photos, not a woman who would ever be confused with a photographer who knows what she’s doing.

january’s photo theme is create, and i’ve selected a photo of black-eyed peas, a southern staple – especially on new year’s day. thewordwire got me thinking about it yesterday, with her tweets about the southern delectables she was cooking up in her vegas kitchen. new years day is one of the rare days when i cook a full, resplendent meal, something my mother does frequently, and her mother did three times a day. i didn’t inherit the cooking gene – i don’t even collect cookbooks, though i’ve written a few from recipe collections of grandmothers.

my mother has an entire closet filled with plates and glasses and bowls. she sincerely enjoys entertaining, judging your love of her by how many times you go back for refills. she knows how to make people comfortable at her table. it is her native language.

her mother entered cake contests – and won a few, too. in the summer, she’d plant a huge garden, and every day would find her gathering items from the garden and cooking a big lunch (with biscuits made from scratch 3 times a day, i want you to know). the afternoons were spent shelling and shucking in the glider on the front porch then going inside for canning, freezing, and pickling.

these women that form the fabric of my matriarchal lineage created food that nourished and a table that welcomed.

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Category: mindfullist
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