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s . . . s . . . s

Mountains

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Sunsetca

i’ve been many places
in the past several weeks,

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traveling for many reasons,
all reasons involving other people.

Beach1

some folks are quick to divide people
into two groups:
those who like people
and those who don’t like people.
i continue to bump up against
that categorization,
but i no longer spend time and energy
trying to explain that i, too, like people
just in different doses.
defending and explaining is time and energy better devoted
to what my soul must have
as nourishment:
space,
silence,
solitude.

Solitude

of brokenness and beauty

“It’s wrong,” he said, “to take away the story a pot can tell.”

A pot should tell about the passing of time. It should speak of the woman with swirls on her fingertips, who smoothed the inside surface with a piece of gourd. It should raise a prickle of wonder at the artist who looked at a lizard and saw the geometry of its back limbs, right angles framing the curve of its tail. It should lay bare the disaster of its breaking and what else might have been broken with it. If it has empty space in its skin, that emptiness is part of what it is.

Clay that holds a story of human creative power holds also a story of the fragmenting power of time and weather and irretrievable loss. The beauty in a bowl is the truth of it. If part of its truth is the wounds it has endured, then those wounds are part of its beauty.

From Wild Comfort: The Solace of Nature by Kathleen Dean Moore

~ /// ~

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She messaged me in mild panic: my granddog had broken my son’s favorite bowl. “Send it to me,” I told her, and I spent months mending it. Not because it took that long, but because I enjoyed the process. He assured me he didn’t want it, my son, so I’ve adopted it, and for some unfathomable reason, I can’t bear to finish mending it.

~ /// ~

Shards2a

I bought two bags filled with shards of broken dishes – five dollars a bag – and years later, I am still tickled with my treasure. “What will you do with them?” my husband asks in a chuckle. That was a long time ago, and the shards still just sit in a dish, treating my imagination to stories untold.

~ /// ~

Nancy1

Nancy2

Nancy3

We visited Nancy last week, my friend Angela and I. After she finished her brownie sundae with strawberry milkshake, I put paper in front of her and a pen in her hand, and our Nancy drew like a woman possessed. She doesn’t have the fine motor skills to turn a single page at a time, and I couldn’t turn the pages fast enough. She drew then stopped, waiting on me to find her a fresh page. She filled the remaining pages in my pocketbook notebook then Angela’s notebook then a few bits of paper I happened to have tucked to the side. That night I bought her a 6-pack of composition books and a side of pens, and the next day when we took her to lunch, I opened them in front of her. Though she didn’t draw with quite the same intensity as the day before, she was nevertheless focused, and filled the better part of three of those six books.

Yesterday and the day before, I scanned those images, and purchased several yards of white fabric – some broadcloth and some white textured fabric purchased at a thrift shop. (I’ll explain my choice of fabrics another day in another post.) Today I cut the fabric into pieces, and tomorrow I’ll set about stitching each of Nancy’s 163 drawings – one image to one piece of cloth – using purple thread because purple is her favorite color and Angela’s purple pen is the one she obviously preferred. I’ll be posting occasional updates here where I do my long form writing, but mostly I’ll be documenting this journey at my new blog, Gone with the Thread, specially created for such inexplicable but necessary pursuits of my heart.

~ /// ~

I keep the shards without so much as an idea of making a wailing wall like the one in The Secret Life of Bees or the mosaic wall in How to Make an American Quilt. I don’t want to remake them into something they once were, and I don’t want to make them into something else entirely. I keep the shards and the pieces of the bowl just as they are because even in their (so called) brokenness, they speak. Because even in their (so called) brokenness, their possibilities are limited only by my limitations. Because even in their (so called) brokenness, they are beautiful.

marking time

Realize

stitching.
quietly.
pondering.
it’s a good way to spend some time
every now ‘n then.
wish i could do it more often.
perhaps i should work on that
cause creativity is as necessary
as oxygen,
if you ask me.

magic

Stitches

stitching.
battening down,
i call it.

riding the thread
to places
unknown
and known but forgotten
and known . . . but maybe not really.

rhythm
soothing
surprising
and still
relaxing in its predictability.

up and down

space for pondering things like
being taken care of
and
self reliance
and
my children
and
my female ancestors
who spent a goodly
part of each day
stitching.
thinking
about fine lines
distinguishing
humility from self-deprecating humor,
for example
and how easy it is for us
to believe the worst in ourselves
instead of the best.
why is that, anyway?

back and forth

thinking backwards about what was,
forward about what if,
and right now
about what is.
or what i sense
is
is.

in and out

thoughts flying.
captured
then released.
remembered
then forgotten,
marked
then erased.

stitches
knots
woven
frayed.

~~ :: ~~

Stitches2

today’s altar (cloth): harvesting repetition

More about 365 Altars

ambling

Monday2

last week, my mother.
this week, my daughter.
both weeks are time well spent.
things stack up
as we play,
of course,
but i don’t care.

Monday1cropped

and as long as
he has a
sparkly red purse,
apparently my
grandcat
feels precisely
the same way.

field

1

I see
the field
of dewdrop diamonds
sparkling in the sun,
scattered
amid and around
the plentiful
cow patties
and I think
“self portrait.”

More about 365 Altars

an outing

Went out to do a wee bit of yardening this morning, and that included clipping the spent roses. On a whim, I brought the petals in, ripped some small pieces of an old tablecloth, wet it, then tucked the petals inside the cloth as I wrapped the cloth around a lichen-laden branch.

Dances4a

When I noticed how the spent purple wave blooms stained my fingers after deadheading, I dropped some of them in another piece of cloth and wrapped it on the same lichen-laden branch.

Dances8a

All dressed up, the branch is now sunning on a rock beside the falls.

Dances5a

Dances1a

Why is this a big enough deal to warrant a blog post? Because for longer than I care to remember, I’ve imagined doing things like this, but I never veer far enough away from the All Mighty To Do List to allow such (seemingly) unjustifiable excursions and (seemingly) frivolous expenditures of time.

That all changes today.

When I look back at how many years I’ve delighted in doing things like this – but only on the inside – I want to sit down and cry, but that would be a frivolous waste of time, that crying over spilt milk. So I just vow to turn myself inside out more often. To do the things I’ve long done only on the inside, on the outside.

From this point forward (even past the inevitable occasional speedbumps), I will be eccentric not for the sake of being eccentric, but because I can’t help myself. I will decide for myself who I am and what I think and how I feel. And who I am and what I think and how I feel may change frequently – maybe even several times a day – but the self-determination-without-apology-or-explanation-unless-I-feel-like-offering-it will stand firm.

Will everybody like what I do, think, say, or feel? I doubt it. Will anyone think I’ve lost my mind? I sure hope so.

And, hey, I’d sure love some company . . .

do over

Wakingimage

sometimes you create something
and it just doesn’t feel right
even though you created
the image you saw
as your waking thought.
and you value waking thoughts
more than anything.

so you sit with it a while,
in case something
surfaces
and changes things.

but eventually you realize
that it just doesn’t work
so you cut it up

Cut1

then you cut it up again
and again

Cut2

and tomorrow
or the next day
you start over,
weaving the parts together,
in a new way.
bringing in new pieces
and weaving them in and out
over and under
and you don’t stop
until
it tickles
you.

embodiment

BannerClothBordered

paint the picture you want to hang.
make the trip you want to remember.
take the photo you want to view.

build the house you want to live in.
cook the meal you want to eat.
lay the stones you want to walk on.

run the race you want to win.
dance the dance you want to feel.
plant the tree you want to sit under.

sew the dress you want to wear.
write the music you want to sing.
craft the play you want to star in.

stitch the quilt you want to use.
weave the cloth you want to stitch.
write the book you want to read.

tell the story you want to hear.
create the blog you want to visit.
live the life you want to live.

(psst: that’s me there
in those last 6 lines.
starting something new
today,
putting a new spin
on something quite familiar.
skip on over to
rootsofshe.com
to find out more.)

finding the true grain

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there is something so wonderfully satisfying about ripping fabric.

did you know that’s what you do to find the true grain of cloth?